TW: death, anxiety, PTSD, accidents
tldr; My parents have both had true near-death experiences and now we commemorate those days.
Have either of your parents almost died? Mine have.
I've been lucky enough to not have been even a thought in their heads yet when the accidents happened, but I wouldn't exist if it weren't for either of them pulling through. I wouldn't want anyone or their parents to have to go through this, let alone losing any parents... but understand that seeing this stuff about your parents, even if it happened before you were born, is still traumatizing.
November 11, 1991.
My mom was 21. She was in a car accident that left her unconscious for three days days. Her recollection (as per a Facebook comment): "I only remember getting there and ... finding out our ride left without us, ... having to rent the car and telling [a friend] I will sleep in the back and when she’s tired I will take over driving. ... And nothing else except waking up three days later and the doctors and nurses rushing to me to tell me I was in a coma and that I would never walk again. And then calling my mom and dad." Her friend was driving and my mom was in the back seat laying down across the seats. In the crash her pelvis was shattered and she wasn't supposed to be able to walk again, let alone have children. Even after both of them being in a coma, they somehow survived.
Her friend remembers that earlier in the night they got into an argument with another friend for refusing to allow her three year old to drive back with them because she didn't have a carseat for the child... how's that for foreshadowing? My mom went on to meet my dad, get married, have two kids, go back to school, become a yoga instructor, start her own business, travel and stay active. She still suffers from chronic pain and some PTSD (though she never talks about it), but still does pretty much whatever she wants to do.
March 24, 1993.
My dad was 25. He was serving overseas during the Bosnian war, just before the 1995 Srebrenica massacre/genocide (he was there 1992-1993, and went back again in 1998). He was part of a United Nations peacekeeping team in the first rotation in 'theatre'. He said, "Me and 4 other Canadian troops 'opened' Srebrenica in March 1993. Thats where the term 'Safe Haven' started". He was leaving a helicopter that landed in a soccer field to evacuate the wounded when a mortar hit the field, injuring my dad and another soldier (I found specific info from this publication). Shrapnel hit the back of my dad's head, resulting in the loss of his sense of smell (and some taste). The helmet is what saved his life, and he still has the helmet!
My parents don't like to talk about it, but here's some of a story my aunt shared:
"I was in 11th grade ... in history class when a page came from the office for me to go get the phone. All [my] mom said was, 'Come home'. ... I had an uneasy feeling all day after a scary dream I had the night before: [My brother and I] were each at either end of a field and no matter how fast or hard I ran, I could not get to [him] ... I remember walking in the door and seeing a Padre sitting with [my] mom. I think I slumped to the floor...I thought [he was] gone. [In the news footage] we could see [he was] somewhat awake and they were taking care of [him] as best they could, that was all we knew. By the grace of God the phone rang a few days later and it was [his] voice sounding so distant and far away on the other end when I answered."
My dad is the one who coined the term for himself, but Alive Day is what we call those days every year. It reminds my parents of how lucky they are to have come out alive, and reminds them not to take life and/or loved ones for granted. And it reminds me of how short and spontaneous life can be.
I remember being pretty young when I first heard about these incidents. I don't know the detail that went into the explanations given to me, but even at whatever young age I was (7 at most?) it stuck with me and scarred me. I could sit here and say that I don't want to use the term PTSD to describe how hearing about the accidents has affected me, but that would just be invalidating my own feelings. So as a kid, I'd seen that photo (posted above) from my mom's accident. I have recently come to the conclusion that I've had anxiety since I was at least 6 years old, so seeing that photo didn't really help. Maybe I didn't grasp the severity of her injuries or mentally what that could do to a person then, but I knew that cars weren't meant to look like that.
There is also at least one VHS tape (but probably more) that my family had recorded the news on surrounding the time of my dad's accident (that's the 90s for you lol). There's also a documentary from journalists of the impact/results of the genocide/massacre that show my dad on a stretcher in the field hospital before he could get transferred to an actual hospital. I saw that shit when I was 7!? Knowing me I probably found it and ignored the warnings/cautions written on the front label and watched it anyway... I'm just saying it affected me in different ways and I've never forgotten. That documentary used to be on YouTube but I just went to the link I had and it's been blocked for content and copyright I guess.
I might as well add anew category to my list so I can tag all the posts where I talk about how life is too short, tell the people you love that you love them, blah blah blah. I'll never stop sharing that message until the day I die. People think "it" won't happen to them until it does, and then they have regrets. Do your best to live without regret and do whatever you can to live your happiest, most fulfilled life. It's all we have.
xx ♡ S
PS:
"A 2012 study published in the Journal of Behavioral Decision Making found that participants made judgments about how depressed they were by comparing their suffering to others. The study 'found that participants' judgments of whether they were depressed or anxious were mainly predicted not by their symptoms' objective severity but rather by where participants ranked the severity of their symptoms in comparison with the believed symptoms of others.' In other words, they perceived their pain as less if they thought others were suffering more." (from this article)
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