tldr; he hit me with the"i'm not looking for a relationship rn" spiel after 2 months. how original.
Another one bites the dust.
Jack hit the road.
I'm left high and dry.
He left me hanging.
I'm left to twist in the wind.
Left at the altar.
Men are like rats leaving a sinking ship.
What have I learned this round? "It's a foolish sheep that makes the wolf his confessor." Okay that's probably enough idioms for today... kind of exhausting lmao. Choose your own title this time - I couldn't narrow it down to just one ;)
Welp, folks. It happened again. After just over two months of talking to someone he hit me with the dreaded line about not looking for a relationship at this point in his life. Not that I'm trying to defend him, but in the interest of the honesty and transparency you're all very very familiar with in my blogs, I knew he wasn't. And I still talked to him. But he also still talked to me and acted like he'd changed his mind. So we're both at fault, but mostly him, I'd say.
(Remember in my last post where I said I FELT THE SHIFT COMING? I was fucking right.
Lowkey really proud of myself for sensing it this time.. That has to mean something right?)
The differences this time are small and kind of insignificant on the surface, but mean a lot to me personally. If you know me at all, you know I'm a serial monogamist (and proud of it!) and a hopeless romantic (to a fault) and I think I was born with rose-coloured retinas because I can't change that I see the best in people and in every situation... The differences were these (I'll bold the important parts):
1. I somehow (i literally don't know why? am i growing up?) did not fall in love with him immediately like I normally would, which is very uncharacteristic for me. Don't get me wrong, I'm very into him and I think our personalities and general dynamics would make a great very easygoing couple/relationship. But he lives a couple hours away (and moved a little bit further away shortly after we started talking) and we never met, so that probably helped a whole lot.
2. He went back to work and suddenly we weren't talking 24 hours a day anymore (hold on tho). Even during covid we somehow always had something to talk about. We'd even spent a lot of nights watching movies together at the same time and bonding that way and learning about what we think is funny and who our celebrity crushes are, and other cute shit like that. We'd talk all the time about nothing and everything and it never felt pressured. But his business started back up about a week ago (from writing this) and it went from 0-100 real quick (happy for him tho). He was suddenly working full-time and it got to the point where if I didn't message him first, I didn't hear from him - which was something I experimented with since I was always the one to wake up first and text good morning. So this was a week ago and I knew he was busy but I also knew he wasn't busy 24 hours of the day. So I started preparing myself for the come-down. (And I'm glad I did.)
3. I only messaged once or twice a day (bc you gotta keep that snap streak lol) and usually got some kind of response but never one that could be continued into a conversation other than pleasantries. Then! One day it happened - I got a response! He was saying how stressed out he's been and how he was in a bad mood on this particular day and I asked if he wanted to talk about it and he said there was nothing to discuss, just that he's in over his head "and whatever". I said I missed our chats all week but wanted to let him do his thing, and didn't know if there was something else going on and he took that as me asking "what are we"when I really meant other stressful things like with friends or family or something (idk shit happens?)... Then came the line about wanting the single life (that I've already mentioned twice). I said that's not what I meant, which was true (I didn't say that I was wondering though!
So after that blunt, random reminder I backed off almost completely and it seems to not matter on his end. Which is fine. I'm fine. (And not in the Ross Gellar kind of way lol!) The way I see it, I'm already a week ahead of schedule in the being-sad-and-lonely-all-over-again department because I saw it coming and didn't fight it and prepared for it first. But my first point helps the most - I wasn't completely in love with him the way I tend to be with guys I really vibe with for more than a few weeks. Maybe it was because I didn't try to convince myself that he wasn't moving in the fall... or maybe it's because we never met up... or whatever the reason is. But I'm glad for it! Saves me a lot of heartache. Having your heart broken more than once a year (or even once a year - or at all for that matter) is a lot of fricken work.
Anyway, I'm bummed but not heartbroken and proud of myself and not doubting myself over this. IT'S THE PERSONAL GROWTH FOR MEEEEEE.
xoxo ♡ S
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