tldr; this one's about attachment styles and the kinsey scale
(how straight r u). part 1 was love languages so read that first!
The Game of Desire is this incredible book written by Shan Boodram, and it's full of tips and tricks and things to be mindful of when it comes time for you to want to settle down and have a long-term, committed relationship as an adult. I could talk about the mind-blowing advice on each page, but you'll just have to trust me and buy the book to figure that out for yourself.
In part 1, I left you with this list of things in the book that you'll come across. Here's today's agenda:
✓ Love languages (LLs),
👉🏻 Attachment Styles
👉🏻 Where you sit on the Kinsey Scale
apology languages,
what your ideal relationship structure is,
the big 5 personality test,
your mind pattern,
what your jungian personality type is,
your turn-on triggers,
and what your orgasm recipe is
Attachment Styles
This is one that I had no clue about. Turns out, not shockingly, it makes so. much. sense. I knew before this that I'm a generally very-attached person, but I've been working on it. I have trust issues so while I'm usually sitting here thinking I'm being unattached to someone, turns out I can be emotionally clingy... I don't really get it either. But as I said, I'm working on it (it's going well in case you wanna know).
Use this quiz to find out your attachment style!
The quiz that's in the book and that quiz that I linked on the website are a little bit different in the options or wording I think... I did both, and got two different answers but I think they both accurately describe me, so I'll go with a mix of them both:
Anxious Preoccupied (the one I got from the website) "Twenty percent of the population are said to be anxious-preoccupied, meaning people who are often nervous and stressed about their relationships. They crave intimacy, but they lack confidence that anyone will truly love them. They worry a lot that someone will lose interest in them and choose someone else. They have a har time trusting people but also have an even harder time letting go. People who are anxious-preoccupied need plenty of affirmation from others*, so they have trouble being alone, and thus often find themselves in unhealthy relationships long after the red flags start waving. A major drawback of this attachment style is the obsessive preoccupation with relationships. This can cause an inability to concentrate on anything else. As a child this person may have had an inconsistent parent or guardian who at times smothered them and encouraged dependency while at other times was too caught up in their own emotions to be emotionally available at all."
*Remember in part one? I said my #1 Love Language is Words of Affirmation!?! CRAZY RIGHT?
and/or
Securely Attached (the one I got from the book).
"This is the ideal way to attach to others, and the good news is roughly half of the population is securely attached. People with secure attachment freely display interest and affection toward others, but are also comfortable being alone. They make boundaries and they stick to them; they aren't possessive nor are they passive or dismissive. They're capable of accepting rejection and have little trouble trusting people. As a child a securely attached person probably had attentive parent(s) who were consistent and nurturing but also left a healthy amount of space for them to explore, make mistakes, and learn from them."
Obviously not every part of each of these answers fits me exactly, but there are big chunks that do. I'm constantly worried about being ghosted and cheated on (both things that happen to me a lot). I ignore red flags because I wanna see the best in them, instead of enforcing my own boundaries. I am comfortable being alone. Despite having trust issues, I'm still very trusting to others (? riddle me that amirite). This one is one of the most interesting quizzes to me!
Kinsey Scale
If you've been at all alive in the last few years, you'll know that, especially these days, "homosexual" and "heterosexual" does not define everyone anymore (I know it never did). Everything is much more fluid these days, including sexuality, and that's what this scale is trying to represent. Labels are unecessary though. *It's pointed out in Shan's book that this scale is shitty for not making it inclusive for those who are transgender/non-binary!*
The following scenario is literally a photo right out of my own book (it isn't linked on the website). Truthfully choose the answer (aka scale number) that most describes what you'd say, then compare.
XX = asexual: an aversion or lack of interest in sexual acts with others
X = grey asexual: a desire for romantic connections that aren't physical
0 = starkly heterosexual: an attraction to only people born of the opposite sex as you
1 = heterosexual & incidentally homosexual: open to isolated acts of homosexuality
2 = hetero- & more than incidentally homosexual: open to common acts of homosexuality
3 = equal parts hetero- & homosexual: often known as pansexual or bisexual
4 = homosexual & more than incidentally heterosexual: open to common acts of heterosexuality
5 = homosexual and incidentally heterosexual: open to isolated acts of heterosexuality
6 = completely homosexual: an attraction to only people born of the same sex as you
In case you're wondering, I'm straight but honestly find myself questioning that sometimes. I usually chalk it up to a girl-crush. After this quiz and a year of thinking about it, I realized I have never ever had an experience (that I was aware of anyway??) that would've offered the opportunity to experiment more. You can't say you don't like something you've never tried, right? While I still consider myself very straight, I'd say I sit at a 1 or 2 on the scale since I've never really had the chance to experiment (I didn't have the usual college experience lmao) so I can't really say? 🤷🏻♀️😇 anyway...
If you're too lazy to take the quizzes, you can probably just guess what yours are by knowing what the options are, but it can't hurt and is not a long quiz at all! If/when you do it, let me know on instagram: @parrell.ly :)
xx,
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