tldr; i realized this must happen to everyone, bc nobody is ever alone in anything
Things change, people change, feelings change too. — Drake
(lmao that just seemed appropriate i'm sorry)
Do you ever get haunted by your exes? I for sure fucking do. I've blogged about a couple of my exes recently, and I'm sure I'll continue to do more when I think about it. Or get triggered. Like today.
In April and May I dated this guy and things were going better than any other relationship I've ever had. It was short-lived, so you can only imagine the amount of outings and activities we were able to do while quarantine was getting stricter and stricter. But the time we had to gather felt magical and grown up all at the same time. He'd call me after work or on his lunch break to see how my day was going, we'd talk about his day and whatever drama happened at work that we could laugh about. We'd go get late night snacks and candies together and take turns deciding what to binge on Netflix (so cute). We spent the night at each other's houses. Held hands... in public!! Were affectionate IN PUBLIC. I MET HIS FRIENDS. HE MET MY SISTER. Really, really basic fucking things that are genuinely hard to come by these days, I realize... but nonetheless I had found those things. And it was working out so wellllllllllll, so I couldn't help but fall for the kid (he's been demoted to kid from man bc he's shown himself to be a prick. Keep reading).
Why we ended is a whole other story for another time (probably can fall under toxic but only the ending, not the rest of the relationship), but suffice it to say it ended over text. Essentially ghosted. Truly broke me tbh. Came out of the blue.. but here's that saying: It was too good to be true. Insert the same Drake quote here because it's true too. Anyway, things ended over the course of a week (lol long story as I said!). I had realized I fell too hard too fast and needed to move on as quickly as possible. (Maybe for reference, it is now early June.)
(side note: Anyone who knows me knows this is not how I operate... The fact that I'm even actively dating at all is brand new for me. My sister said I should write an article about how to be a slut because that's how 180 this is for me, even though I've dated 2 guys this year LOL).
I immediately went back on the app and started talking to someone new (who I'd stopped talking to when things got "more serious" with the first guy). We met a couple weeks later after talking pretty consistently about all kinds of topics, most really deep. It went well but he lives like an hour away and is really busy with whatever he has going on in his life, and then, as it turned out, wasn't ready to commit to anyone yet. So that ended as quickly as it began.
I told myself that if I was still hung up on April-guy by the end of June/mid-July I'd reach out and see if anything happens. Maybe something was going on in his life that he couldn't handle. Maybe he'd realize what he did was shitty and at least apologize. Maybe we could be friends. Maybe we could get back together (my goal of course). I texted him a good ol' "hey!" one day and never heard back. I took his lack of response at face value and decided to be done trying. But that doesn't mean I don't still think about it/him.
The haunting though? It hasn't really hit me until today (December 7th). I'm at work, minding my business, no longer thinking about him every day unless I pass his neighbourhood or the donut shop we went to a lot. My phone lights up. I have a snapchat from my friends, a match on hinge, and instagram has recommended that I follow someone. I unlock my phone without even reading the notification fully and it brought me to April-guy's instagram. He never had one previously, which was helpful in the "trying to get over him" part.... but he's just now made one, and because I still have his number in my phone instagram realizes we know each other and thinks I should follow the account.
Triggered.
Haunted.
What's worse, his profile picture is one that *I * TOOK of him by the water on the second day we hung out. Rude. He's haunting me and not even on purpose. Not even subconsciously. He actually isn't doing it at all. Yet here I am, still minding my business at work, triggered and sad about it and all the emotions flooding back like the 'breakup' had just happened. I told my friends about the notification which has been decided by all as rude on behalf of instagram... but instead of get in my feelings about it and spiral, I decided to write this piece of art! This isn't the first time I've been haunted by an ex, either. It happened to me with June-guy too. And my toxic ex-boyfriend. But somehow, oddly, it hasn't happened with the psychopath ex-boyfriend.
People don't talk about stuff like this normally, at least not in my circles... it can't just be happening to me though, so that was the main reason behind actually posting this one.
I almost think that instead of me realizing things being the theme of this blog it should actually be something along the lines of not being alone... Because I have said something like this in so so many of my other posts. Oh well!
DM me your stories about being haunted by your exes >:)
xx ♡ S
Originally drafted Dec 7, 2020. Edit Jan 3, 2021: I matched with a guy on Hinge on July 27, 2020 and messaged him the next day. He replied August 30. I replied September 1. He replied January 2, 2021 and asked me out for drinks over the weekend. HAUNTED I TELL YOU. No, I didn't respond. I want to because he's cute but we're in a lockdown and also I suspect he's going down his matched list to send these to everyone ;)
Also, my very first ex (that I've written about before) would always pop up in my Facebook messages whenever I'd start talking to a new guy. To this day I chalk it up to absolute coincidence but literally not a clue how he'd know. He's in another country, I don't post about it on social media when I start talking to someone knew... I joke that he'd get these gut feelings about me because he's not over me even though he's the one who ended things but I know that is absolutely 100% not true. Just crazy timing.
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