tldr; this is a problematic phrase as of late and i'm about to pro-con the hell out of it
"If they wanted to they would." Would they? Do you?
I'm equally empowered and also pissed off by this statement. Is it helpful? True even? Simple!? I think it's one of those things that only fits one narrative of one party's story at any given time, and also depends on if it's you or your friend that says it first. Still, it's more complicated than this... I think it's partially true, but the road goes both ways. Think about the reasons you didn't even though you wanted to with someone. "As a hopeless romantic myself, I find it easy to get sucked into the idea of a person. ... I date this made-up version of them I have in my head - a personality that doesn't exist and that they haven't earned." x
I'm 50/50 on this (if that first paragraph didn't "🤯" you enough already), so I'm gonna do a pro/con list, but it's not gonna change my mind. I'll stay 50/50 regardless of which list has more points. It's too subjective. Just remember that in new and new-ish dating, everyone is trynna play it cool and not come off too much one thing over an another (like too clingy, awkward, nerdy, weird, etc.). Don't expect too much out of a stranger... maybe this rings more true once it's been decided by both parties to be exclusive and label the relationship or whatever? I dunno, I'm the most single I've ever been, so who am I to say...
PROS
We all have the same 24 hours
"If (they) wanted to, (they) would. And if (they don't), that’s (their) choice and has nothing to do with you" x
The phone (or computer, etc.) goes both ways... it only takes a second to reach out
If you're the one always reaching out first, make a note of that: Set a boundary for yourself. Once or twice is fine but think more about it if it becomes a pattern
What if we all think "if they wanted to they would", but nobody does anything even if they want to because both think the other would? Maybe they think if YOU wanted to YOU would too.
CONS
What if we all think "if they wanted to they would", but nobody does anything even if they want to because both think the other would? (Yes, this deserves both lists)
Think about when you didn't but had reasons even though you wanted to: They/you could be self conscious or not know how to approach something, or not know if thats what the other person would want
There's a difference between being busy and being ghosted
We all have the same 24 hours. Communication is key, balance is too
"We talk so often of "wanting" when it comes to our romantic and sexual lives as if wanting and not wanting are a binary. We forget that these wants are often tangled up with a lot of other stuff, like attachment issues, loneliness, societal pressures to couple up, and myriad other things. You can like someone but not be in the right headspace to pursue anything with them." x
I'm curious to know what you think about this phrase... If you haven't heard it before now, I'm even more curious to know if you're more on the pros or cons side of my list? Let me know! DM me on insta @parrell.ly ♡♡♡
xx,
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