tldr; i realized that some of what i do isn't all that selfish...!?
1. I. despise. small-talk. I don't like talking about the weather, the roads, the election, the newest covid stats, and I might give you the sympathy laugh if you stumble over your words and blame it on your lack of coffee this morning but I don't think it's funny. Maybe this disdain for small-talk has come from working in customer service where you have the same exact conversation with 30+ people in a day (where maybe you're the only person they've had that small-talk with that day), but I reckon it goes way deeper than that. (Does anyone else feel fancy and talk with an accent when you use the word reckon? ...No? Just me? ok lol i'm just kidding. just joshin' ya)
2. I hate meeting new people because I will always blank when it comes to asking questions about them. I don't really care if you had a dog growing up or where you're from. I don't really care how many siblings you have either, and I also hate answering those questions about myself (which is maybe why I don't like asking them too).
3. I don't really have an interest in what you did over the weekend if I don't know you, and I don't want to hear about how work was going that day, especially if your answer is "it's going" or "living the dream". It's been a long-standing joke in my immediate family that people are naturally drawn to me to tell me their issues and personal lives in incredible detail, even if they don't know me, but even more if they do (if only barely).
Guys, we all have the same racist uncle with no filter, and I already know that your parents are more traditional than you. I'm all for learning your inner traumas but not without taking me out first. I'd like a buffer or an intro to that kind of conversation otherwise I feel stuck and won't be prepared and if I stop answering you'll think I'm ghosting you or judging you and it gives me anxiety. Sometimes if I don't know how to respond, I'll just laugh and be like haha same! and lie to you right then and there, but not elaborate. Even if I'm not lying, I usually don't really elaborate on things during small-talk. You could argue at this point that I just don't know how to small-talk.
You're probably thinking to yourself right now about how much of a massive bitch I must be. Honestly, we both don't care about those topics and we both know it. So why do we as a species do shit like this? It doesn't make any sense, and our answers will always be the same. Can't we sometimes just sit in silence? I know a lot of people who can't do this and fill the void by talking about anything they can think of, but it's okay to be silent sometimes.
Tell me I'm not alone in this... All my friends are people I met growing up, or in school, or while travelling, and the occasional internet friend. What do all of those things have in common? An immediate ability to recognize what somebody likes or how they are and what they're into, without having to break the ice with weather talk or local news. I don't know how to meet people in real life probably because of my entire life revolving around the internet.
As kids, you're basically automatically friends if you see each other. At school, you have common interests in different classes or music or extra-curricular activities and you can bond that way first. While travelling, you can talk about the place you're visiting and ask for advice and suggestions, then learn about the place and people you meet. On the internet, there's no one way to find people who you get along with. In my case it's usually been through friends of friends, but I've also made a couple friends from Bumble's platonic side of the app. It's the same as a dating app except the only expectations are friend-wise and there's no pressure. And with dating apps, a bunch of them have prompts to answer that can help you weed out the weirdos. (Biggest risk I've taken is... Guess the backstory of this photo... I won't shut up about... Best travel story... I take pride in... My special talent is... you get the point).
Maybe I'm a wise, old soul (a few mediums and all my mom's friends agree with that statement btw so it's verified basically) or maybe I'm just a regular ol' 90's kid... but I want to know what you think your mind does when you sleep. Tell me about the weirdest dream you've ever had (I could go on for ages about mine I swear to god). Tell me about the time you almost got arrested, or the first time you knew you loved someone and how that scared you. I want the conversations about life after death, why you think aliens exist, which planet you'd rather live on (and if you agree that Pluto will forever be a planet in our hearts). Did you actually get a pony for your birthday as a kid? Or maybe you literally had 2 front teeth as of Christmas morning. Tell me your deepest darkest secrets. This sounds like something right out of a tumblr reblog but it's how I've always been!
Basically... If you didn't stay up until the buttcrack of dawn the whole weekend talking to some boys from New Zealand on Omegle and later MSN about relationships or farm animals and comparing your accents with different words you say, then you're not the kind of person I need in my life ;) (Hello Blake and Johan! <3)
In 2021 can we normalize not having to fill every silent gap with talking? People scrambling to find a topic to explore just in the interest of avoiding silence are the reason conversations with strangers can be so awkward. I realize you have to start somewhere if you're genuinely trying to get to know someone, but with that in mind can you not think of more interesting things to ask me? I think everyone should spend some time on dating apps (for research obviously) and tell me how often you wish that someone would ask you something other than how your day is going or what your plans are for the weekend. You'll be begging for someone to step it up, make it interesting. Even less work than that, just look at some profiles and take note at the prompts that make you want to know more about that fine-ass stranger in front of you. Meeting strangers and sparking up convos won't be so annoying then! That is, if we ever get to leave our homes again and meet strangers again.... oh those were the days.
xx ♡ S
PS: I wrote this like a month or two ago, but for Christmas I got a card game that allows you to connect in deeper ways with the person (people?) you play it with! This is the link for the one I have, but there are more, and I also want to get the We're Not Really Strangers version.
Comments