1999-2000.
My first memory of a dream was actually a nightmare. First, I have to try to explain the layout of my kindergarten classroom because it makes sense for the dream, and also because I love it still to this day - which is depressing because the school was demolished in 2016 :( I can only offer this really terrible photo of the classroom my parents took from my first day of school. It was terribly blown out so I had to try my best to edit it (swipe for the original). Use your imagination ;)
To my memory, the right side near that white door looking thing is where you walk into the space. Directly in front of you then is the makeshift house play area (two stories!) complete with a sandbox, a bedroom, a kitchen, a nap area, a whiteboard, a play dough area, a couch, and I'm sure some other amazing additions. It was literally a home away from home. The classroom was massive (maybe because I was small?). Here you can see some kids sitting on the floor which is where we'd do our morning reading and stuff like that, but behind where the photo was taken was actual desks on floor instead of carpet and a more traditional-looking classroom. I think the door to get outside for recess was also in the classroom on the left side of the photo somewhere. It goes without saying that with it being my first year of school, it was the first place in my life where I spent a significant amount of time, like at my own home.
Here's where the classroom infiltrates my first nightmare and my first memory of a dream: Obviously in school you learn all kinds of topics, including math. I don't remember being bad at math until the 6th grade, but I'm sure that's because that's when letters get unecessarily involved.
The nightmare/dream started out like any other normal day. I went to school, started playing house with my friends on the top floor, and it would slowly get darker outside (as if it was becoming nighttime) which we didn't really pay any attention to. But then one at a time, all my classmates and friends started poofing away and the classroom door closed. Then everything went black. This was also the first time in my life I remember having that feeling where your stomach drops into your butt - pure fear. The door opens. Figures of all kinds of shapes and colours come floating in toward me and the vibes were not good.
Pause. You know that Pink Elephants scene from Dumbo? To this DAY I can't watch it because of my nightmare. It induces a panic attack almost instantly. Honestly can't watch that movie, and I'm almost 26. In case you need a refresher, I did the scary job of finding the scene for you, but pay closer attention to the part at 2min 11sec : (don't mind me, i'll just be hyperventilating in the corner til you're done)
Those colourful figures that came floating into the classroom shape-shifted into numbers and started taunting me, EXACTLY like that 2:11 scene from Dumbo. I can't tell you when it stops being like my dream because I used my mouse to hover over the timeline to get to that spot and that's when I exited the window... lol I'm pathetic.
I start screaming and crying and trying to get away and the next thing I remember is waking up to my parents busting into my room and start telling me I'm okay and that it's just a nightmare but I'm still screaming and crying.
I honest to god think that if I ever went to a therapist they'd trace my anxiety back to my four-year old self having this dream. Or maybe back to the first time I watched Dumbo, whenever that was. I've hated math my whole life too, maybe that can also be traced back to this dream. I really don't know what was going on in my lil toddler brain to make me dream up something so terrible and scary, but alas, here we are. Maybe this is also why horror movies don't usually scare me, because my subconscious is scarier ;)
Since that day, whenever I dream, they're incredibly vivid like this one. My dreams are extremely cinematic and detailed and beautiful and crazy - but that means my nightmares are too. The first idea I had for this blog was to talk about my dreams (which is why I mention it in my About page) because they're so ridiculous. Along the way I've thought about all these other things I've posted and I have a bunch in drafts to post later on... but now is the time to start recording my dreams. Stay tuned for way more! -- As always, if you have any topics you want me to cover DM me and I'll do it.
Also, if you have any fucked up dreams of your own PLEASE tell me about them!
xx ♡ S
Comments