tldr; i realized i can say no to jobs, and that it's healthy and okay to do so
(Read part 1 first!) So now, I'm writing this post on the Wednesday and the owner only responded this evening, but I didn't think she would at all because until I sent that email she had been really quick to reply. The emphasis from both clinics on the work-life-health balance of their positions really stuck with me (most places don't care about you that much), and that was my basic reasoning with myself to put a stop to it.
I have a pretty solid job with the City right now - good pay, set hours and schedule, a job I've been in for a week and am already acclimated and good at it. The escape room is a fun job, even if I'm on call or get called off most of the time. The escape owners have also just added a tip function for escape room hosts which will be a big help, in the future, I'm sure.
I can't juggle three jobs. In hindsight I shouldn't have even accepted the first interview with the naturopathic clinic. I think I only did because she was insisting based on the review she heard of me from her friend at the holistic clinic. I didn't want to let either of them down. The naturopathic job would have also been, in the owner's words, a FULL full-time job. Really busy all the time, and enough hours throughout the week that I wouldn't be able to have a second job unless I wanted to burn myself out (which was something she was really trying to be mindful about because a burnt out employee is a lose-lose for everybody).
This was the first time I've ever had the balls to decline a job. I say decline lightly because she hadn't actually said the words 'We're offering you the position', but I think it was going in that direction with her talking about contract terms.
There's a certain kind of power in saying 'No'.
It felt good because I'm doing what feels right for me, and with juggling my now two jobs, and my recent family emergency (which is far from over), it was just not a good time for me mentally. It also felt awful because I was pretty sure I'd be offered the job and I really do think I would have been good at it once I got fully trained (customer service is all I've done in my career). Now I feel like I've let her down and wasted their time, and it'll also be awkward if I ever decided to go there. I would actually go there, too. The services each practitioner offer are amazing and I didn't know it was something that even existed in town.
I sent the owner the email that I was declining the second shift and pulling out of the interview process, and in the end I said that if she or any of the doctors in the clinic wanted help with marketing or social media from me on a freelance basis, I'm more than open to work something out. That nice doctor I mentioned before? She was so excited to have me help her with that stuff, so I think I'll reach out to her in a week or so. The owner responded to my email this evening, and she was probably super disappointed in me but was sweet and wished me luck in my career and congratulated me on the new job with the City.
If you've made it to the end, you're an MVP and I love you. Comment your favourite fruit or something if you're still reading this (are comments even enabled? lmao). That tweet that I posted in the beginning is basically all that I'm feeling these days but ESPECIALLY after last week's events. If you read my about page, then you'd know that this is exactly why I made this site in the first place. Blogging is therapy but also if someday this ever blows up, maybe my stories and experiences and realizations will be relatable to others and make them feel not alone. We all know we're not alone but people can say that and it doesn't mean anything without 'proof' to back it up.
Anyway, thanks for reading this and while I hope that you haven't had to deal with such anxieties, I hope that if you have or do, just know it's okay to say no and it's also okay to feel crazy about it all.
xx
S
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