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Writer's pictureSasha Parrell

Dream: I'm a Russian Spy

Jan 2-3, 2021


I was some kind of spy. Not actually Russian, but definitely had those vibes. If you haven't seen the Queen's Gambit on Netflix, I had Beth's vibes the entire dream. Quiet, collected, cool, calm, curious... But I was still me at the same time. I think it was also a kind of Charlie's Angels situation where some guy gave me assignments and whatnot but he was also under cover of a regular dude. We'd meet at the gym or at touristy places (could not tell you what city I was in, probably not a real one because I'd never seen it before in other dreams -- a story for another time).


I lived in a building where I can't decide whether it was a shitty housing situation or if it was a grand hotel. Both? I lived on the fifth room on the third floor, but I was pretty new there. The people I saw were always dressed really nicely (Gambit style) and the front doors were full glass double doors, had a doorman, and everything that could be golden without being tacky but staying looking rich, was. I think this changes once you get to the residential floors, it seemed like they were run-down and resembled motel hallways. White and blue, wallpaper peeling off the walls, chips in the white paint on the door borders and on the doors. Ugly carpet too. I was running around doing whatever spy errands I needed to do, and I had some friends. I don't know if I was under cover from them or if they were also spies, though I suspect I was undercover. At some point we were leaving a Walmart or something and the green car we'd come in (a mini van/sedan hybrid? I think mine?) had a tarp over it, glass all over the ground from the windows being smashed. Some woman was sitting around the front of the car on a metal folding chair, under the tarp, looking at under hood of the car. (I guess Walmart people don't care about other peoples' property even in dreams!) My instincts kicked in but I tried to keep it cool for my non-spy friends. I stood behind the woman, who didn't see us still because of the tarp, and pulled the tarp toward us so that the items she'd put on top of the tarp above the car would all tumble onto her. I remember seeing it all be metal, big and heavy, but I don't know what it all was. She had been mumbling to herself some stuff that I don't remember hearing but remember realizing she was about to burn me as a spy (aka reveal my identity and whatever). She freaked out and was swearing and stood up to get herself out of the tarp. She had a lot of piercings on her face, lots of tattoos, she was blonde, tall and skinny, and didn't come off very strong. We started fighting, and like a movie, the scene cut to when I was back in my apartment alone.


Another 'scene' it cut to was me at an outdoor exhibit of some kind. It seemed like we were on a hill or a mountain or a cliff or something, and all the partitions were made of glass. I don't think 'partition' is the right word, but it's those little walls that are just tall enough for you to lean on them with your forearms resting on the top and looking out to whatever they're separating you from... you know? Not 'walls', but .. ok anyway. There were big banners with information on each exhibit. I was looking over it all through one of partitions as I was crouched down behind a banner (real good hiding spot lol). It was sunny and the grass was green, and skies blue. (We'll call my boss Charlie because of my Charlie's Angels reference) -- My Charlie found me and gave me a file of information about my next target / task. He was dressed in a nice suit you'd wear to the office and he was younger than I think most Charlies are, but also really attractive (no ugly men in my dreams apparently). We spoke really quickly and quietly about the job and then he left and started flirting with some girl in a yoga pants.


Cut scenes again, where I'm at another apartment building, this time entirely run down and only across the street (technically only across two parking lots) from the motel/grand hotel where I lived. I guess I'd just finished my task and then was leaving. For some reason it was more of a communal front door situation and I had to grab my shoes and my jacket. A stranger was there chatting me up. He was tall, kinda bald, probably in his 30s or early 40s. I felt uncomfortable vibes from him immediately, but as we do as women, I entertained him with conversation for a little as I was grabbing my belongings. Laughing at his unfunny jokes and offering the little "oh haha" and "oh, yeah I see" comments, but not offering real answers to promote an actual conversation. He started asking me questions that felt clear he knew the answers to. I realized he'd been watching me. He started saying things that really creeped me out, but in real life I can't remember what they were. I went to grab my shoes finally and he stopped me. He started touching my hair and trying to manhandle me and I started freaking out (where are my spy skills now?). I started panicking and crying to get him to let me take my shoes and go home. It was winter outside and I for some reason wasn't wearing socks but it was normal in dreamland. We kind of grappled as I tried to get outside to run home. Somewhere along the way I realized I didn't want him knowing where I lived (even though he already did) so I was just trying to get free of him. We fought, this time harder than with the Walmart chick. At one point I think I was losing and was sick of him being gross, like asking me WHILE FIGHTING why are you crying, don't be scared baby, all kinds of disgusting shit... so that made me feel like the Star Power mode in Mario Kart - adrenaline probably - and I beat the living shit out of him. I remember pulling that move where you grab the person by the arm and swing them over your body and slam them onto the ground. I did that and boooooked it away to somewhere else.


Cut scene - It's been a few days and I'm trying to go home finally. I'm cold, tired, still don't have shoes, I'm out of breath ... But irl I don't know where I've been for the few days in between lol. I get into an elevator and things seem different but I'm just tired and at that point where you're so close to being home and then you can have a meltdown and just relax. I hit the third floor and walk down the hallway to the fifth room. There's a 'don't smoke' sign on my doorhandle but it says "Don't Trust" instead. I was like 'oops that isn't my room haha, that's weird' so I went back to the elevator and thought I must have hit the wrong floor number and mixed it all up because I'm still new there. I made it to the third room on the fifth floor and couldn't get in. I was really confused and just panicking trying to get back home. I knew I didn't look nice like everyone else anymore (shoeless too) but I didn't want anyone to talk to me or see me.


I found another elevator and tried that one. Someone was already in it when I got there. He hits the third floor for me as I requested and he looked me up and down. I was just trying to keep my cool. Don't cry. Don't freak out. Catch your breath. You're so close. He asked me what room and without hesitation because I wanted the conversation to be over, I told him five. He perked up. "Five?" and I was like, "Yep". We stopped at another floor and someone else got in. Also checking me out, probably wondering why I'm such a mess. The first guy repeats, "You live in the fifth apartment on the third floor" as a statement, but looking at me with wide eyes. The second man turns around slowly and looks at me but also backs away to see me better. I asked what that means and why they're looking at me that way and the first guy goes "You're THAT GIRL" all excitedly. Turns out the side of the building that faces the parking lot saw me beat the shit out of the predator and run away, and some people were afraid (explaining the Don't Trust sign on my door) but others, like this elevator guy, were worried when I didn't come back.


I finally got back into my apartment and then I guess when I fell onto my bed to sleep is when I woke up in real life. I felt tired and my body hurts from shovelling the driveway yesterday (for over an hour!!), but all things I also felt in the dream... which is always really interesting.


Someone please analyze my dreams - they're fuckin nuts when I can remember them enough.


xx ♡ S


PS: Fun fact... Growing up I was obsessed with Totally Spies. My cousins and I would run around pretending to fight crime and talk to Jerry and save the world. I was always Sam (the one in green). But when I was looking for this picture I found a spoiler - There comes a time where Alex (yellow) wants to quit, and I think they replace her on the show with Britney (she gets a blue suit). I tried googling Woman Russian Spy and other alternatives of those words and couldn't find anything fitting to use as a photo for this post. Britney is the closest to how I felt I looked in this dream. Do with that what you will. ;) Until next time!

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